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30 July 2010

Shakey's Zombie Chum


When you need to get away, put your trust in us. Here at Shakey's, we put people in our product. Shakey's Zombie chum, all natural. Will attract zombies. So when you need to get away, use Shakey's Zombie Chum, you'll die if you don't.

*Shakey's Zombie chum only available after the apocalypse. May not attract all zombies. Product contains people. Now with babies.


Shakey's first introduced the product Zombie Chum in 2011 after reports of a possible zombie outbreak along the Mexico/U.S. border. Whether or not those reports were accurate are a matter of debate. (ApocEpoch can neither confirm nor deny those reports).

Shakey's began producing Zombie Chum with all natural animal ingredients (pig, deer, raccoon, Caucasians and squirrel). But just weeks before releasing the product, the research and development department at Shakey's decided to change the formula. There was uncertainty about the attractiveness of the product to zombies. Would be zombies were brought in to test the attractiveness of the chum. The human test subjects were actually repulsed by the product. More tests were done and came to the same conclusion, people were just not attracted to Zombie Chum. Researchers needed an actual zombie to test their product. Since the likelihood of capturing a live zombie was remote, scientists looked to Dawn of the Dead for answers. After many hours of research and beer, a break through was made. It was found that zombies were attracted to humans and not animals. So the formula for Zombie Chum needed more people. Shakey's released the Zombie Chum in the summer of 2011 with people in their product. Not long after its release, a new formula was introduced. Shakey's spiced up Zombie Chum with babies. This is the present formula on the market. Shakey's will not comment on how well sales are doing but one executive stated that "...more people are being brought in everyday."

And with that news, ApocEpoch recommends Zombie Chum as a zombie fighting tool.

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