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27 June 2010

Mexican Drug War Causes Viral Outbreak!


The Mexican drug war has entered into an unbelievably bloody state. With an increase in kidnappings, drug gangs running amuck, and dead bodies littering the streets there has been a serious outbreak. An unidentified virus has been infecting a small population of Mexicans near Juarez, Mexico. We recently got word that it has now entered the U.S. and has been traced from Juarez into El Paso, Texas. It has remained somewhat contained and the infected count is low. However, one infected illegal alien was able to make his way to Oregon where he obtained a drivers license without any identification, and bit an elderly couple on his way out of the Portland DMV. The infected man was last seen climbing into a Red Jeep Wrangler and peeling out of the parking lot. No word on where he has gone or where he is going. No word on the elderly couples conditions. This is a terrible tragedy that has unfortunately become an unstable chain of events. We have no word yet on just how this situation will turn out, but well keep you posted. Until then, please take caution and avoid anyone who may look rabid or ill. Be sure to read up on home and herbal remedies as there is no known cure if you are infected. The CDC is working along with the pharmaceutical companies to find a vaccine, as it appears that this virus is reanimating corpses as well as infecting the living with ravenous appetites for what appears to be human flesh. Some other side effects are large weeping sores, loss of speech, and in severe cases loss of all but basic brain function. We dont want to say its zombies, but it looks like zombies. We have no word yet if it is affecting animals or wildlife. This ones going to cost the government a lot of money, but they have promised us a change and vow to find a cure. Meanwhile, watch your guns, watch your backs, and good luck!
The Herbal Medicine-Maker's Handbook: A Home Manual

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